Guideposts & Resolutions

(this idea is from a blog post by Shayna Israel)

20 things learned in 2011

1 mistakes v. failing -- i made some big mistakes this year. i spent a lot of time worrying over them, not because of the consequences of those mistakes but because i had made them. because i had done something “wrong.” the thing i want to take away from that is, i’m still here, relatively ok, somewhat more experienced. mistakes are part of living. “This is your becoming.”
2 radical vulnerability -- this year i really came face to face with the power of being raw and real, and how much that scares me. this made me understand how important it is and how it truly can radicalize.
3 being honest/true to myself -- while there is value in experimentation and openness, that value lies in coming to understand what my wants and needs really are. if i don’t know, say i don’t know. it’s ok to be contradictory or change my mind, as long as in that moment i’m being real.
4 having hard/necessary conversations -- especially around what i need or feel. especially with loved ones. it’s always better to pull it into the light. the true element of confession.
5 saying no -- also, really, standing up for myself. saying there are limits to my flexibility. saying i have a breaking point and it is here.
6 making space for/honoring my intuition -- i ignored my intuition in many small ways, but i acted on my intuition in a big way. i've done this before, but it's always good to reaffirm the strength of that deep self-knowing.
7 hearing advice without taking it -- something i learned this year is my habit of over-polling and giving too much weight to what other people had to say (stemming from my indecisiveness). sometimes the knowledge you seek will only come from you finding your way. this is lesson is related to yoga practice -- you know your body and your soul best, remember that and check in with yourself first.
8 being grateful every day -- saying thank you opens up your heart. for the sky, for good food, the smell of the salty air, an easy run. give thanks. simple/huge.
9 seeing my roots in the big picture -- respecting my parents for the trials of their past lives and understanding how these continue to affect them, how their experiences/issues talk to my own issues, and listening to that conversation more has helped me understand myself a lot better.
10 understanding my weakness - i've learned a lot of hard lessons about my insecurity with vulnerability, my need to be right, my tendency to project my own feelings on others, my seeking out approval.
11 using that to grow stronger - focusing on emotional self-care, forgiving myself when i’m wrong, asking whether the approval i seek is worthy of me. all big lessons that need to carry on into the new year.
12 being optimistically realistic - i have a pragmatic/pessimistic ability to understand what will most likely happen, to prepare and plan for the worst. i need to balance that by allowing hope.
13 sexuality - lots of unpacking was done this year. SO MUCH. i'm grateful for all those lessons and want to try to keep processing without judging myself.
14 anxiety/self-care - i have gotten better at monitoring my anxiety and doing what i need to do to manage it. i can be better about having a routine of health so that not as much of my feeling shitty is compounded by sleep deprivation or lack of exercise.
15 the importance of record - it was so helpful to be able to look back and find myself in old writings when i thought i was lost. i need to keep this up. it’s a solid rock in my foundation.
16 understanding/celebrating my strengths - part of self-awareness is celebrating what you rock at. i am always uncomfortable with this, but i think acquiring a lot of perspective this year has helped with that.
17 using all of the above to gain confidence -- knowing myself and understanding myself, celebrating and forgiving myself are all really important ways of strengthening the areas of my life where i'm super insecure.
18 forgiving the self -- over and over. i learned this over and over. it’s a lesson to keep re-learning, but hopefully after this year it will be a little easier.
19 accepting the moment - now is not forever. my striving for ideals and perfection can get in the way of being present. i need to be mindful of this.
20 letting go - so hard for an emotional hoarder to do! also linked to my tendency to want to control things. i learned a lot about allowing myself to be uncomfortable while things unfold or drift away. letting that happen, handing the reins over to the universe.

12 resolutions moving forward in 2012
1 self-care -- diet & exercise habits
2 challenge -- work harder, rise to the occasion (especially at work)
3 confidence and quiet -- when i find myself shouting for attention (in my head/in reality) take a beat and say, you’re already heard and seen. you hear and see yourself.
4 being a good sister/daughter/friend - phone calls, emails, be generous with the love
5 continue to build a foundation -- get strong in spirit/heart, be my best me
6 valuing discomfort - riese’s 3 month rule (you can handle anything for 3 months)
7 not indulging my wallowy tendencies -- instead of wallowing, a small action to feel better (walk, read a poem, paint my nails, do the dishes, play with cats, call family) also being mindful of google-stalking/information gathering as a form of wallowing. getting better at shutting that part of my brain off when it’s a hindrance.
8 sharing v taking over/listening -- be a better listener, share with care
9 getting better at waiting -- learning patience is a huge goal for me this year. i'm using a quote from a letter Steinbeck wrote his son for motivation "nothing good gets away."
10 read more books -- especially before bed/instead of the internet
11 write a poem every day (or try!)
12 greet happiness and welcome it in -- call it by its name, say hello, shake its hand. choose being positive.