20 Lessons Learned
1.) I have a sense of humor! I had forgotten and thanks to good friends and amazing people at work I was able to reunite with it this year, and yes, it feels so good.
2.) Hierarchy is still hierarchy. Trust your gut about the misuse and abuse of power in our current corporate white male-dominated hierarchical structures. Smiles and laughs can be deceiving.
3.) Now, I’m “that” person. Gluten-free. Thank heavens I can still eat the shit out of Mexican food (and did on a regular basis). Oh, and I feel much better- thanks to my GF diet.
4.) If you’re open you can learn so much from EVERYONE around you. Shame on me for only sifting through self-help books for advice and inspiration. I think our society dismisses a lot of our youth (ageism) but wow- I am blown away by the thoughtfulness, intellect, optimism, and confidence that some of the younger people around me have shown this year. I came to this realization after listening to the young girls in a discussion group I am in and after listening to the middle school episode of This American Life, both had extremely articulate young people expressing thoughts, feelings, and ideas that were eye-opening for me.
5.) I have the right to say “no” without an explanation. Long story short, I had the non-pleasure of having a horribly manipulative and abusive (emotionally and verbally) boss. Finally, I was able to leave, quickly and did not feel bad about not giving an explanation.
6.) Trying to protect others from hurt by hiding things that might harm them is not a good idea. One of my bosses explained to me (after eavesdropping on a conversation I was having with a co-worker): “You cannot be responsible for how someone else deals with their emotions”.Trust that honesty is best.
7.) Take your vitamins! Started doing this and noticed a big difference. (This should also be in the bottom/guidepost list!)
8.) I have good friends. One of my best friends flew me to Arizona just so I could hike the grand canyon with them this year. Wow. I’m thankful.
9.) Meeting people that used to annoy you and drive you crazy, after time and in a new light can be... nice. I met an old co-worker a couple of times with a different perspective and after much time had passed... well, I really enjoyed this person. I am glad I was open to meeting up again and look forward to seeing them in the future.
10.) I am ready for grad school. FINALLY, this year the thought of writing massive papers (and pulling all-nighters to do so) does not make me nauseous.
11.) Semi- regular exercise is healthy, especially mentally. (Duh.)
12.) I’m still Catholic. I have kind of gotten away from going to mass on a regular basis since it’s not just across the street (that was SO nice!) but I still really enjoy the rituals and the taize meditation.
13.) Sometimes you have to stop being nice and say “HEY BOSS I DESERVE A RAISE!” As a non-confrontational person this is hard for me. I had never done this before and with the encouragement of friends I was able to walk into the big boss’ office and say “Hey, I’m putting up with a lot of crap and putting up with it really well. So, I would like more responsibility to help deal with some of these issues.” And here’s what he said: “OK”. A few months later (ugh) I was given more responsibility, higher pay when given such, and a load of more respect.
14.) Self-Love. I am feeling like this may be a life goal for me. I’m nowhere near really understanding and practicing self-love but I’ve really started to look at the meaning and importance of this.
15.) Good with the bad. When discussing public and historical figures, I realized I need to not be de-humanizing them (in a good way)- I am so disappointed if I hear any mistakes about people I think of as role models- but truly, we are all human- even them! “And people are just people...” says Regina Spektor. But honestly, I think it is because I am unable to accept my own faults that I have so much trouble with others. When will I fully understand that we are all human? To make mistakes is human. To hurt is human. To hurt others (unintentionally) is human. To love and to fail is human.
16.) Along the same lines as the last one... Even if someone is in the business of justice, it does not make them a just person. Males in social service have surprised me with their sexism and harassment. Shame on them and on me for being naive.
17.) Holy shit, I fear commitment. This kind of comes as a shock to me because I feel like I am someone who seeks nothing but. I feel uncomfortable dating/flirting if it is going to lead to a relationship. But holy shit, when it came I quaked in my boots a little.
18.) Some things really are worth fighting for. I tend to be the laid back, “yeah, whatever” type. However, I met someone this year and we really hit it off- with talk about books and tons of sarcasm. BUT it was really tough in the beginning, when things started to seem even a tiny bit serious all of the sudden I had to wade through currents of fear, insecurity, doubt, independence to fight for what I thought might could be real. (Theses feelings were not just from the other person but also myself (even though I think I hid it better... :) ).) We are happily together- hanging out, laughing hysterically, playing constantly, and enjoying each other, comfortably in love.
19.) Doing something before a deadline feels AWESOME. Something that after years I thought was impossible.. I submitted my application to grad school early! Which then means my wait is longer... Which brings up my impatience issue...
20.) One lesson I learn every year: I still have much to learn!
12 Guideposts
1.) Honesty. Period. With myself especially.
2.) LIVE the Four Agreements (by Don Miguel Ruiz):
a.)Be Impeccable With Your Word.
b.)Don’t Take Anything Personally. (THE HARDEST ONE FOR ME)
c.)Don’t Make Assumptions.
d.)Always Do Your Best.
3.) DON’T BE LAZY.
4.) Be more present- stop worrying about the past and the future. Benjamin Franklin wisely said “Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.” (HardER to do in Seattle.... :) )
5.) Forgiveness.
6.) Acceptance of myself and others. The very first time I ever heard This American Life I heard Ira Glass saying “We don’t get what we deserve. We get what we get- and we have to be OK with that.”
7.) Unconditional love.
8.) Embrace Diabetes and learn to love it as part of who I am.
9.) Listen to Kathleen Hanna who says: “Recognize vulnerability and empathy are strengths”. Stop trying to hole yourself up or withhold thoughts and feelings in seeking protection. We are all one- like drops of saltwater in the ocean.
10.) Cook more- new stuff- get out of your cooking comfort zone!
11.) Write more.
12.) Be positive and gracious for all the good that has happened, is happening, and will happen!
1.) I have a sense of humor! I had forgotten and thanks to good friends and amazing people at work I was able to reunite with it this year, and yes, it feels so good.
2.) Hierarchy is still hierarchy. Trust your gut about the misuse and abuse of power in our current corporate white male-dominated hierarchical structures. Smiles and laughs can be deceiving.
3.) Now, I’m “that” person. Gluten-free. Thank heavens I can still eat the shit out of Mexican food (and did on a regular basis). Oh, and I feel much better- thanks to my GF diet.
4.) If you’re open you can learn so much from EVERYONE around you. Shame on me for only sifting through self-help books for advice and inspiration. I think our society dismisses a lot of our youth (ageism) but wow- I am blown away by the thoughtfulness, intellect, optimism, and confidence that some of the younger people around me have shown this year. I came to this realization after listening to the young girls in a discussion group I am in and after listening to the middle school episode of This American Life, both had extremely articulate young people expressing thoughts, feelings, and ideas that were eye-opening for me.
5.) I have the right to say “no” without an explanation. Long story short, I had the non-pleasure of having a horribly manipulative and abusive (emotionally and verbally) boss. Finally, I was able to leave, quickly and did not feel bad about not giving an explanation.
6.) Trying to protect others from hurt by hiding things that might harm them is not a good idea. One of my bosses explained to me (after eavesdropping on a conversation I was having with a co-worker): “You cannot be responsible for how someone else deals with their emotions”.Trust that honesty is best.
7.) Take your vitamins! Started doing this and noticed a big difference. (This should also be in the bottom/guidepost list!)
8.) I have good friends. One of my best friends flew me to Arizona just so I could hike the grand canyon with them this year. Wow. I’m thankful.
9.) Meeting people that used to annoy you and drive you crazy, after time and in a new light can be... nice. I met an old co-worker a couple of times with a different perspective and after much time had passed... well, I really enjoyed this person. I am glad I was open to meeting up again and look forward to seeing them in the future.
10.) I am ready for grad school. FINALLY, this year the thought of writing massive papers (and pulling all-nighters to do so) does not make me nauseous.
11.) Semi- regular exercise is healthy, especially mentally. (Duh.)
12.) I’m still Catholic. I have kind of gotten away from going to mass on a regular basis since it’s not just across the street (that was SO nice!) but I still really enjoy the rituals and the taize meditation.
13.) Sometimes you have to stop being nice and say “HEY BOSS I DESERVE A RAISE!” As a non-confrontational person this is hard for me. I had never done this before and with the encouragement of friends I was able to walk into the big boss’ office and say “Hey, I’m putting up with a lot of crap and putting up with it really well. So, I would like more responsibility to help deal with some of these issues.” And here’s what he said: “OK”. A few months later (ugh) I was given more responsibility, higher pay when given such, and a load of more respect.
14.) Self-Love. I am feeling like this may be a life goal for me. I’m nowhere near really understanding and practicing self-love but I’ve really started to look at the meaning and importance of this.
15.) Good with the bad. When discussing public and historical figures, I realized I need to not be de-humanizing them (in a good way)- I am so disappointed if I hear any mistakes about people I think of as role models- but truly, we are all human- even them! “And people are just people...” says Regina Spektor. But honestly, I think it is because I am unable to accept my own faults that I have so much trouble with others. When will I fully understand that we are all human? To make mistakes is human. To hurt is human. To hurt others (unintentionally) is human. To love and to fail is human.
16.) Along the same lines as the last one... Even if someone is in the business of justice, it does not make them a just person. Males in social service have surprised me with their sexism and harassment. Shame on them and on me for being naive.
17.) Holy shit, I fear commitment. This kind of comes as a shock to me because I feel like I am someone who seeks nothing but. I feel uncomfortable dating/flirting if it is going to lead to a relationship. But holy shit, when it came I quaked in my boots a little.
18.) Some things really are worth fighting for. I tend to be the laid back, “yeah, whatever” type. However, I met someone this year and we really hit it off- with talk about books and tons of sarcasm. BUT it was really tough in the beginning, when things started to seem even a tiny bit serious all of the sudden I had to wade through currents of fear, insecurity, doubt, independence to fight for what I thought might could be real. (Theses feelings were not just from the other person but also myself (even though I think I hid it better... :) ).) We are happily together- hanging out, laughing hysterically, playing constantly, and enjoying each other, comfortably in love.
19.) Doing something before a deadline feels AWESOME. Something that after years I thought was impossible.. I submitted my application to grad school early! Which then means my wait is longer... Which brings up my impatience issue...
20.) One lesson I learn every year: I still have much to learn!
12 Guideposts
1.) Honesty. Period. With myself especially.
2.) LIVE the Four Agreements (by Don Miguel Ruiz):
a.)Be Impeccable With Your Word.
b.)Don’t Take Anything Personally. (THE HARDEST ONE FOR ME)
c.)Don’t Make Assumptions.
d.)Always Do Your Best.
3.) DON’T BE LAZY.
4.) Be more present- stop worrying about the past and the future. Benjamin Franklin wisely said “Do not anticipate trouble, or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.” (HardER to do in Seattle.... :) )
5.) Forgiveness.
6.) Acceptance of myself and others. The very first time I ever heard This American Life I heard Ira Glass saying “We don’t get what we deserve. We get what we get- and we have to be OK with that.”
7.) Unconditional love.
8.) Embrace Diabetes and learn to love it as part of who I am.
9.) Listen to Kathleen Hanna who says: “Recognize vulnerability and empathy are strengths”. Stop trying to hole yourself up or withhold thoughts and feelings in seeking protection. We are all one- like drops of saltwater in the ocean.
10.) Cook more- new stuff- get out of your cooking comfort zone!
11.) Write more.
12.) Be positive and gracious for all the good that has happened, is happening, and will happen!
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